Thursday, March 15, 2007

A message from your friends at the Institute of Self Determination

- Do you feel like you lack control over your schedule?
- Have you had to cancel things in your personal life with short notice due to last minute business travel?
- Are you burnt out on conferences?
- Have you delivered presentations to low priority audiences in the middle of nowhere?

If you answered yes to at least two of the questions above, you might be asking how this happened to you and what you can do about it. You might be hoping leet haxors broke into your scheduling application to send you off to Boise at a moment's notice - you can simply rebuild your box and do a better job defending it in the future. But unfortunately, you my friend are victim to something far more nefarious. You are pwned by PR.

Our experts at the Institute of Self Determination have developed several strategies to cope with situations like this. Many of our clients lack the ability to simply tell their PR department NO to that next business trip. They don't want to look like an ass or be the bad guy. Or maybe they are not in a power position to say no without losing their job. Here are our four most popular self-help programs:

1. Cloning - send your replicants out to do the speaking engagements you don't want to do. This has become more difficult since went out of business. They were by far the most reputable of the Evil Villain cabals that thumbed their noses at political ramifications of scientific experiments on humans. Of course there are rumors that villainsupply has merely gone deeper underground to protect their plots for world domination. Unfortunately we cannot confirm or deny this rumor or we'd have to kill you later. Our clients have to find their own cloning firm, but once they do we'll help them train and store their replicants as well as deal with the psychological trauma of losing their sense of individuality.

2. Teflon - PR requests slide off you onto someone else. We can help you develop a strategy to find, mentor, and train a flock of lackeys to send off in your place the next time a travel request comes your way. Why be randomized yourself, when you can delegate that randomization to someone else?

3. White lies - the sick parent/pet excuse. While weak, sometimes it is just easier to feign personal obligations that require you to stay home. We can help you craft a believable story that isn't so complicated you screw it up and get caught. Note that this is just a temporary solution to the pwnership problem to buy you a reprieve.

4. Acceptance - the final stage of grieving. If none of the above options work for you, we can counsel you on ways to accept your PR biatch status. Lets face it, unless you use your spine, become utterly incompetent or quit your job, PR will keep pimping you out. It will be easier on you if you learn to accept your Media Whore situation and quit fighting it.

The Institute of Self Determination is accredited in multiple temporal dimensions, provides services worldwide, and offers a variety of payment plan options. Don't let your PR department push you around any more! Contact the Institute of Self Determination and start down the road towards a more self-determined life today!


hee hee hee. This is for a friend. He knows who he is.


Labels: ,


Post a Comment

<< Home